"Owing to the new interior design of the aircraft, we regret to inform you that we are unable to offer any duty-free shopping to passengers today."
So far so good. I don't buy things on planes, and I don't quite understand why the refurbishment of the cabin should prevent Qantas from taking advantage of stationary and gullible passengers, but this didn't bother me.
"However, we are delighted to announce..."
Brace yourselves. No sentence that started like this ever ended well...
"...that we can provide you with the contact details for our suppliers so you can purchase it from them direct!"
Way too much enthusiasm with this guy. But it gets better... pause 4 beats...
"Please note, however, that you will need to pay for shipping costs for each of these duty-free items.... (pause 3 beats)... in addition to the duty..."